Equal Opportunity: 25 Random Things About Me

Ever since it's become trendy on certain social networking sites to begin listing quasi-personal tidbits about oneself for all to read, I've been feeling somewhat left out. After all, I think we should all have the opportunity to reveal more about ourselves then we would otherwise, at say, any actual social event, even if I haven't yet given into the temptation of setting up a Facebook account. So here's a list of things you probably don't know about me, or don't care to know, or care but never thought to ask, or asked but I never wanted to answer.

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1. From an early age, I've equated drinking coffee with being an adult. I'm sure a lot of that was influenced by watching too much of the KSHB Ch. 41 daytime lineup when I was a kid. Now that I'm an adult who drinks coffee simply to stay awake during my drive to work, it's lost most of its romanticism.

2. I believe that 90 percent of successful therapy is being honest about what scares you the most.

3. The angriest I've ever been at anyone was a college roommate who seriously damaged the garage door of a house we were renting. It was near the end of our lease, and it happened during a house party he threw for his buddies while I was out of town. Our landlord found out and threatened to charge the both of us for the full amount of the repairs. I've never laid into anybody like I did to him that day. It felt...liberating.

4. When given a choice, I'll take the path of least resistance almost every time.

5. As a teenager, I had a hard time identifying my favorite music genre. It got so bad, that my parents had no idea what type of CDs to buy me. One Christmas, my mom bought me a "guitar & lute" album. That's not a misprint. Remember the worst music you've ever heard? Add a lute to it.

6. My two most frequently reoccurring dreams are about the house in Spring Hill where I grew up, and an alternate reality where I'm perpetually stuck in high school but realizing I should be at work. The first dream I can completely understand; the second one freaks me out. Any interpretations would be welcome.

7. Six years in banking has taught me that you can't predict people's credit scores just by looking at them.

8. The hardest I've ever laughed was when I went to the theater with a friend to see Dumb & Dumber. Specifically, it was the scene where Jeff Daniels' character had to make an emergency trip to the bathroom after Jim Carrey's character sabotaged his drink with a laxative. It was potty humor as high art, and I darn near fell out of my seat. I know--I'm such a boy.

9. When Rachel was pregnant, I really, really wanted a boy. But now that I get to come home every day to Macie Jane's smiling face, I can't imagine anything better.

10. I was pretty sure that I would grow up to be a major league baseball player. Then reality set in when I couldn't even make the varsity squad of my high school team. Somewhere along the line, I stopped dreaming big.
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Have you made it this far? Congratulations. Give yourself 5 points. We'll tally your total score at the conclusion.
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11. Quick, name the best cartoon ever made. Did you say Pinky and the Brain? No? Well then, you're just wrong. Plain wrong.

12. The most disappointed I've ever been was after my campus newspaper, of whom I was the editor-in-chief, failed to win best junior college paper in the state of Kansas. Johnson County Community College had a long, proud tradition of taking home first place, and by failing to live up to that expectation, I felt like my leadership had been a failure. Later, I found out that politics had been a factor, but that really didn't make me feel any better.

13. I think that the first two rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament should be declared a national holiday. Twelve hours of non-stop hoops for four consecutive days. Now that's something to celebrate.

14. Age 30 is the new 20? If that's the case, then I should be expecting a massive breakout and a magical reappearance of mousse hair products in my cabinet any day now.

15. If I never hear Paul McCartney's jingle "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time" again in my lifetime, it'll be too soon.

16. One day in middle school while reading my science textbook, I got bored and added a penis to the picture of a meerkat with my pencil. Then I tried to erase it. That only made it stand out more. Then I panicked because I realized it was a brand new textbook, and my name was the only one written on the front flap. I lived in fear for four years that I would get called into the principal's office for my first, and last, act of vandalism.

17. In an age of Madden NFL and Tiger Woods Golf, there's still nothing that's been able to surpass the greatest sports video game of all time--Tecmo Super Bowl. (Sorry, ExciteBike, you came in a close second).

18. I just realized that enumerating 25 personal attributes is the largest introspective task that most of us will ever attempt. It seems somewhat self-aggrandizing, but also strangely therapeutic.

19. The most heartbroken I've ever been is when my high school sweetheart of two and a half years met--and fell for--a guy on a flight during her senior trip to Europe. I could tell there was something different about her the moment she stepped through the return gate. She eventually confirmed my worst fears about a week later. I didn't eat anything for two days.

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Still hanging in there? You're a real trooper. Give yourself another 10 points.

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20. One time I was so doped up after coming out of an operation that I started flirting with all of the nurses who passed by. Then, when my doctor came by to announce a clean bill of health, I was so elated that I leaned forward in my bed and gave her a big old hug. Hey, what can I say, I'm just a nice guy.

21. GI Joe the movie is coming out in theaters this summer. That doesn't have anything to do with this list, I'm just really excited. By the way, raise your hand if you blew apart your GI Joe action figures with a blackcat firecracker.

22. No longer having two car payments seems to have reduced my stress level significantly.

23. The loudest I've ever screamed was inside Allen Fieldhouse when Mario Chalmers tied the national championship game with his impossible shot. Me and 16,000 of my closest friends were watching the game on the big screen, and we rushed the court when KU secured the title.

24. Monkeys amuse me in any context.

25. The happiest I've ever been is...a tie. I can't really choose between my wedding day and the day Macie was born. Although I will say that I was sufficiently calmer at the hospital then I was at the altar.

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Hey, you made it to the end of the list. That's great. Give yourself 15 bonus points.

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Here's what your score says about you, fellow reader:

0 points - You have only a passing interest and a short attention span.

5 points - You were slightly entertained, but ultimately unfulfilled.

15 points - You wanted to finish the list, but Grey's Anatomy was starting.

30 points - Go away, stalker.